@ Richmond Tavern in London

This is Mandy
This is Cyn


Jamming all the guitars-and-amps stuff, plus Roy's breakables PLUS two girls worth of girly gear into a smart car is a true feat of spatial arrangement. And Cyn, riding across town with her legs spread wide and the Harlot between them? Also a feat of spatial arrangement, but one that she's used to...

Oh good grief. So we motor over to Roy's. He leaves his house, takes one look at us in our pink jackets, and turns around to go back in. He really is sort of ashamed of us, isn't he? Maybe he forgot clean underwear. (Mandy did!) Who the hell knows. Anyway, we're soon all jammed into Roy's car and off to London, in a traffic jam with no CD player. Only the beepity boop of Mandy's twittering to soothe us.

...yeah, 'till you jerks confiscated mah phone for excessive twittering. having to talk to real people is weird!

We stopped for dinner somewhere around Cambridge and in the lineup at the Tim Horton's was a girl in tight gray jeans with the best ass I've ever seen. I quietly pointed it out to Mandy, who agreed. Roy took a glance over his shoulder, then quickly switched seats so he could admire the view properly. Snaps to you, hot-ass-girl!
Okay, I don't know why, but autographing titties just NEVER gets less funny. Why is that? How is that possible? One minute I'm handing someone a button that says "I was sexually harassed by High Heels Lo Fi", then I'm grabbing her rack in front of Roy to make him stare, then I've got a pen in one hand and a breast in the other. Laughing into oblivion.
Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah! I got to sign my first breasts too! Not quite as awesome as Syber's ass but still pretty darned good.

We'll never know why the other band cancelled, but being asked, "Hey - Can you guys be the headliner?" is something that makes you yell YES pretty darn quickly.
That was the amazing moment when you realize that it was totally worth pushing Cristal down the stairs so that we could become the lead dancer in the Stardust Casino's topless revue... or am I confusing us with Showgirls again?

Oh yeah... so the actual show part. We jumped up on stage, we played. No... we rocked. No... we RAWKED THE FRIKKIN UNIVERSE. Seriously, we were so relaxed & hyper & hilariously amused that we turned the whole room orange. There were girls up front dancing! There was a "perverts row" of happy drunk guys across the front tables. Everyone in the room was boppin' their heads. A girl rushed the stage & stole the mic to sing the last chorus of Shook Me. People waltzed. It was a full on insane riot of awesoming awesome. We played the best we ever played. I was actually relaxed while singing. Wow.
Yeah, that was NUTZ! I had total amp envy 'cause the band before us had these 700 watt behemoths, and then it turned out there was no DI for our amps, so my lil' practice amp had every knob turned to 11 (or "cranked to the tittes" as the promoter put it) and it sounded like Jimi Hendrix's dog crawled in there to die, but it got 'er done!
We really do need a sugar daddy or some sort of music deal so that we can afford the super loud but super small & light amps. Christmas is coming - have we been really really good this year?
Oh yeah - at some point I asked the audience to flash us. Two guys jumped up on their chairs and lifted their shirts. Woohoo! I love it when people play along with the lunacy.
That was ridiculous...and turning around to see Roy flashing his moobies back at them? Exponentially ridiculous...

Hey Mandy - did you like my one fingered "guitar solo" with my pick lick-stuck to my face so i could take a drink?
Classic move that. And I deserved the finger--I did holler "world's longest guitar solo" and made you do it. I was a little worried that we wouldn't have enough music to last for a headlining set, but between excessive yapping and arseing about between tunes, and Roy taking about five minutes to end every song with Big Rawk Drama, we totally worked it and ended just in time to say "Last call, last call at the bar for alcohol!" We have arrived.

I vaguely recall yelling something about "stop clapping for us! it's last call! don't waste time - let's get drunk!"
How many times did i have to beg, "don't let me drink beer! don't let me drink anything other than vodka & soda!" Nobody listens to me. Vodka, Steamwhistle, Jello Shots, Jagar, Vodka, and bloody Corona. argh. my soul hurts.
...heh...

Luckily I'm less of a total germaphobe when I'm drunk, because I truly believe that alcohol kills germs. There were SO many hands to shake & strangers to hug. It's really weird having a dozen strangers tell you that your band is fantastic & they totally dig you.
That was SO wow, and so much fun having all those people really like our show. And once again, I was the Scarlet Harlot's nice but plain friend that all the guys talk to in order to get to her...that's OK, I'm the one who gets to take her home...

Baby, you are anything but plain!!!

OK, but so, OK, so absolutely, without question, the best moment of the night came when we were leaving the bar, I was carrying the Harlot, and went over to the chip truck across the street for some quality cholesterol. As I was waiting this lil' McCutiepants comes over and starts chatting with me, asking if I'd played that night, and said that his band had been playing at another bar, chat chat chat, then he looks up and says "wow, check out that limo! Someone's riding in style tonight" as this huge white, supapimpin' 70s limo pulls up...and Cyn rolls down the back window and hollers "YO Mandy! Hurry up! We gotta roll!" and I'm all "Oh hey, it's my ride, gotta scram, great to meet you!" and he's pretty much speechless with this look "why doesn't my band get those kinda gigs?" on his face. Why? 'Cause my band is rollin' pinker...

When we eventually woke up / came to, dressed, took a cab to the car, loaded gear from the bar into the car, found a place for breakfast (at 1pm), we were exhausted & dumb. So dumb that I forgot to leave a tip for our waitress at the diner. Man I feel like a jerk. So I mailed her a tip, a note, and some band stickers. Think she'll forgive us?
I'm guessing that we're not the first jerks to forget to tip, but the first ones who felt so bad about it that she got her tip in the mail. She''ll prolly forgive us and maybe even come to the next London gig...

My only regret is that the photo I took of Roy coming out of the shower wearing only a towel was somehow deleted before I could upload it to Facebook.
I think that was your camera's way of saying 'Oh god, my EYES! It buuuuuuurns!"

• 12:02 New Song For Heather!!! "I'm Too Nerdy To Write a Love Song" www.myspace.com/highheelslofi #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

"I'm Too Nerdy To Write a Love Song"
http://www.myspace.com/highheelslofi <-- listen now!

• 11:09 @hellojodi i'm usually into guitarists, but have flung with other musicians. it's just too easy to mock bass players. :) #
• 11:10 should we officially call our music "drunkrawk"? #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

• 21:18 London, Ontario... i think we need to start apologizing now... this saturday might get a wee bit insane.... #
• 21:19 you may have heard my spoken word piece "Why I Don't Sleep With Bass Players". well, that's about to change this saturday night!! #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

• 14:44 Fresh air, sunshine, rowing and sobriety. This is so not the rock'n roll lifestyle... #
• 19:39 Roy is our private dancer. I'm not sure he should go public. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

• 18:30 Cyn is looking at her fingers and laughing like a loon. Now she's laughing even harder. She takes this being in a band thing seriously. #
• 18:32 Her leg is apparently very heavy, which is also very funny. Yeah, i dunno either... #
• 18:33 Annnnd up is difficult, in slippy socks...apparently... #
• 22:14 Point Break:a bromantic comedy for our time. Also?Cyn recognizes Ratt when she hears them...just sayin, even though i wasn't sposed to.Heh #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

• 07:57 we're playing in London, Ontario on Sat. Nov. 14 at GIRLS NIGHT OUT. myspace.com/highheelslofi for details. #
• 07:58 we need a few hundred toronto people with cars & pink flags to follow us west, entourage style. interested? *evil grin* #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

• 08:09 GENIUS! www.dieselsweeties.com/archive/2408 #
• 13:51 Just offered cow-orker a biscuit, and he said 'Oooh yes!Hey!That says dog treats!...Oh, those are good!'Heh.And this is not a drunk tweet. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

- cyn autographed her second boob (not her own, someone else's!)
- roy autographed several boobs
- mandy autographed her first ass and it was HOT
- always a good set when it's interupted by jäger shots
- heather was a trooper and played cowbell even though we could see her blushing
- there were zombies!
- roy's kit was "up on blocks" and kept sliding around the stage. we repeatedly announced that he was "adjusting himself" until it stopped being funny... then it was funny again.
- either cyn had too much coffee or roy had too much beer but the second song was crazily fast!! whooops.
- cheerleaders rule!
- pins were pinned in inappropriate places in inappropriate ways--it was awesome!!
- if you love something, put an HHLF sticker on it, then when it wanders away, the sound guy will find it and give it back to you at the next gig... buy the sound guy an extra beer for that...

dirty photos are on our facebook fan page, so friend us already!!!
http://www.facebook.com/pages/High-Heels-Lo-Fi/34056384864?ref=ts

• 14:41 Also, the fact that i can remember that from last night? I'm counting that as a double win! #
• 14:43 If you're introduced to someone who says 'oh, you're the one who does the drunken tweets' and he doesn't suggest AA, i count it as a win. #
• 20:51 do you live in or near LONDON, ONTARIO? please send a message! we have something to tell you! #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

• 21:43 Word to the wise-don't drink beer while Mike is doing a reading. It hurts when it comes out your nose. #
• 22:14 Ok, i must be hangin' out with, well,~that~crowd too often,'cause this guy just walked into the bar and i coulda sworn he was a zombie. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

• 11:49 don't worry mandy - you'll feel better after tonight... the most wholesome good time you'll have in a long time! #
• 16:35 Mandy--Queen of Spankings! #
• 16:37 Heather: 'Why am I being singled out as the swearing asshole? ...oh' #
• 23:15 Heather is so drunk she can't find her pants but not drunk enough that she doesn't careh #
• 23:21 Heather has settled fer being in MAH PANTS...thank you alcohol. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

• 10:29 i'm cheating on my band this saturday night, and playing with another band. but if everyone knows, that makes it okay, right? #
• 10:29 ihaveasecret.com/SQ_nov28.jpg cannot wait!!!! #
• 14:38 High Heels Lo Fi - 2007-6 shows, 2008-7 shows, 2009 - TWELVE shows, maybe one more... #
• 22:12 Discussing whether PhilCollins 'Can't Hurry Love' was being played ironically when hipsters at the next table started to sing along. Irony? #
• 22:42 Just passed a bar that exuded bad hair gel smell onto the sidewalk- #
• 23:25 Was just told 'You're really agile!' Is that weird? I'm not sure if that's weird... #
• 00:15 Swearolellogram-when every tangent of you life is cuss-worthy screwed up. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

hell yeah!

• 21:31 Heee UNDERPANTS MALFUNCTION! Yeah, i cc'd Twitter on that. #
• 21:35 I didn't mean to Twitter about your underpants--I accidentally clicked the Underpants button on ~my~ phone. #
• 21:38 I did, however, fully intend it when I Twittered about yer going all velour commando. Mmm, velvety soft ~and~ mercenary for hire... #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

• 15:55 Workputer's dead and there's bakesale food all over the office. If i don't get my craptop back soon,Support is gonna hafta get me new pants #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter